Interview with a Male Ballet Dancer

Originally published on FlipJob.net

As we pride ourselves on bringing unique perspectives and insight to web journalism, we’ve reached out to touch the surface of one of the world’s greatest taboos – Male Ballet Dancers. Chief Editor, Matt Caputo, ventured into the dark corners of an AOL chat room for the reporting of this story.

*Please state your name for the record, where your from and who you work for?

Lance Campbell, I’m originally from Dallas,Texas ,and I used to work for the Orlando Ballet Company

*When did you first become a male ballet dancer?

I first started dancing when I was 10 years old

*What compelled you to want to dance?

It’s just something you have to do,or you don’t, it’s not something you can fight….you just need to move, and express something.

*What is the coolest thing about being a male ballet dancer?

Being around so many women of course…haha…Nah probably being such a low percentage of the dance world.

*What is the worst part about being a male ballet dancer?

Hmm. Besides getting kicked, smacked and wacked in the nuts? Probably, all the drama that all ballet girls bring you into your everyday life.

*As I’m familiar with your career, is fighting boners in a leotard one of the biggest problems facing the male ballet dancer today?

If I have had problems with such a thing, I haven’t had any complaints. Next question

*What is the most common misconception about male ballet dancers?

That we are all flaming homosexuals, which as you know, IS NOT true. Speaking of which, I need a girl bro hook it up, I know you’ve got tons. Spread the wealth.

*As a male ballet dancer, it’s important to know, what is your stand on Welfare?

Haha, If it’s free why not? Ain’t no shame in the food stamp game, son, WORD! Starving artists unite!

*How about capital punishment?

Well I’ll be a fuck sandwich, son, I’m from Texas….. and come on now!… If we had enough room for all the sick fucks to rot away in and die regular, then that would be the best, but we don’t have that kind of room, throw that switch…..any more brain busters?

*Are you in the NRA?

No, I don’t like guns

-Matt Caputo

BLUNT RAPPERS

You might not have noticed it through the blurred images of early 90’s rap videos, but the only thing rappers do more than rapping and chilling is smoking weed. En route to Fairyland, the timeless question of weather to use a Phlly or a Dutch Master cigar when rolling a blunt regular sets stoners back several seconds. With that, a few of your favorite rappers offer their preferred devices.

LIL’FLIP

In your opinion, what makes for the best blunt?

A Philly is better than a Dutch because the Dutch breaks easy and they’re (taste) strong. Put it like this, you have a Swisher Sweet which will tear easier, then you have the Philly which is more sturdier. But the Philly is better than the Dutch to me. I fuck with Phillies, I fuck with Swishers and I fuck with these things that are called Golden Wraps.

MC SHAN

What’s your preference, the Philly or a Dutch?

A Philly, people say I’m old school, but it’s a Philly and that’s just me. The reason being is that you could have some real, real nice weed and put it in a Dutch and maybe you put it out to save for later, with a Dutch when you come back to it and go to pick it up, it would probably be all dry and break into pieces. With a Philly, you can leave that shit there, in the ash tray, for three weeks and it will be fine to smoke when you get back to it.

ROYAL FLUSH

Phillies or Dutches?

Both, you know Both, Both. If I do a Dutch it’s only a Vanilla Dutch and it’s only a regular Philly. I don’t want my weed smelling banana so I don’t buy a Banana Philly and I don’t like my weed smelling like coconuts. I don’t get all that mixed shit.

Snoop Dogg seems to be favoring those Magnum Blunt Wraps, how about you?

Nah, chill, too thick! I don’t like blunt wraps and I don’t like Backwoods. I don’t like all that…. I do like the bong though!

LIL’WAYNE

So Wayne, what about you, Phillies or Dutches?

You see I’m from the South and we like them real sweet cigars. I smoke Phillies and I get them by the box, I smoke a box of Phillies like some people smoke cigarettes.